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Life after abuse

Currently in my life I have finally learned peace and its meaning.  Jesus saved my life 3 years ago.  Once again I have to trust him this time instead of my body  it’s my mind.  Many women and men that have been in domestic violence before and survived know the battle never stops. It’s like you are reprogramming your brain to think and at first you have no idea how deep that individual had has gotten into your mind. Over now 3 years  God has revealed all my scares from my health to even internal issues. To make people understand if you have never been abused by a loved one. It’s like imagine a pet being treated absolutely wonderful at first then once the trust in earned by the dog all a sudden the owner turns on the dog and used what he knows the dog like against him. It becomes a brainwashing process because we have to all admit as humans we always as why in situations when someone close hurts us. This is one of the main thing s narcissist preys off of. Keeping you continually asking why what and its your job to make every thing right. The confusion just begins here eventually you  find logic and try a different approach with the individual you think mabe I need to care more about his or her feelings. The individual will play a long with you and make it seem like his request and obstacles have been completed and satisfied  untill unruly and whenever the individual chooses to switch the script now things that they asked you to do before infuriate them. Now you are getting more confused by the individuals demands and now the have as Well isolated you.  Eventually this brainwashing technique  now will include beatings  etc#1 you pick up a cup one of his favorite colors walk to give him cup  he then beats you cuz cup reminded him of bad time. Sounds ridiculous right.  Well the individual has gotten so into this persons head that now the person they are abusing physically mentally and emotionally has come to a point of a nervous breakdown reality isn’t real she or he is confused on what is logic and what isn’t they constantly have to think before acting or the consequences could be severe.  So when you come out of it your mind starts to try to slow down  and it is hard because when you use to be late or wore a certain color or said a name the abuser use to web it to any reason to beat you for it and now you have all this freedom  but you still feel captive at times. Your out of the abuse but the scare of your mind is still there. Your body still gets extremely tense and numb from how scared you use to get your heart beats faster if your not of the shower in less then 15 minutes. Being in  domestic violence at some point you will feel like a prisoner and sometimes when you leave in your mind. But when you do leave and yes I know it is hard the thoughts of him or her harming you killing you the thoughts of them living out those threats they have made terrified you must listen to that voice that says leave.    But once you leave yes there is a battle  with in the mind you must face but on the other side of this battle is peace  and eventually you will know yourself again. It’s a slow process but I’m still alive thats what matters. I find myself sometimes within my own mind battle and non the less when your abuser threatens you 2years after  him it doesn’t help the anxiety go down.  I find myself waking up from nightmares and him given me a beating  for writing the book and I find my self terrified  looking underneath my bed at times but just like the first battle I know God is in control I mean I guess you probably ask what about police well the island I’m from does nothing about this. The will bail him as they do anyone else a man could beat his wife and be released the same night. Right when she is going to make her statement. But as I do once again I place my life in my authors hands #Jesus well that’s all for now #bethevoice #breakthesilence #bethechange